


Facts

by Mistystarshine



Series: Tokyo Ghoul Horror Week [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Starvation, Train of Thought, mentioned Akira, tokyo ghoul horror week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 04:49:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5078422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistystarshine/pseuds/Mistystarshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, it's easier to forget who you are than remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facts

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for day one of Tokyo Ghoul Horror Week, the prompt being Insanity. I will note that the writing style I used for this is fairly different from what I'm used to, in an attempt to fit with the theme.

His name was Takizawa Seidou. He knew this. This was a fact. He had a family. He was a member of the CCG. He was - he was -

He was captured.

It hurt. Everything _hurt_ so much and he wanted it to _stop_. It never stopped though. He screamed, he cried, and he begged, but it never stopped. No matter what he said it got worse and worse, physical torment eventually giving away to cracks in his mind. Cracks that grew and morphed into chasms until the things he knew as fact began to fade.

His name was Takizawa Seidou. He had a family. He was a member of the CCG. ( _“Can’t you smell it, Takizawa?”_ )

His name was Takizawa Seidou. He had a family. ( _“Why don’t you tell me about your family, hmm? Don’t you remember their names?”_ )

His name was… ( _“Do you really think you’ll ever be able to go back to your old life?”_ )

He…

He was hungry.

 

* * *

 

He was the Owl, a being made of hunger and rage. Somewhere inside, he knew that he had a name. Even as the facts faded out of grasp, he still _knew_ his identity. But it didn’t matter, did it? It was like reading a list of traits about someone else. That person wasn’t him anymore. He didn’t care about the things he cared about. All _he_ cared about was the hunt, the kill, and the feast. He wasn’t _capable_ of caring about anything else. Not with the hunger gnawing at his core and contorting his being. (What was left of his being.) The rage was easy because it helped with the hunt, which brought him one step closer to the ultimate goal of food. He couldn’t be anything else. Besides, why would he want to be anything else? It was so much _easier_ this way.

The hunger of a ghoul was terrifying in its all-consuming nature. When pushed into starvation, the ghouls body would force away things like empathy and remorse for the victim in favor of the need to _feed_. Like a wild dog. They may speak, but much of it was garbled and it would do nothing to deflect from the ultimate goal.

He could have said that he had never felt anything like it, but Aogiri had done a fine job of making sure that would be a lie.

It was a beautiful haze he lived in. Somewhere inside, in the parts that didn’t matter anymore, he remembered feeling weak. Well, he wasn’t weak anymore. He may laugh at it in his more lucid moments, when the hunger that tore through his being was slightly less, but the rest of the time he didn’t care that there had been people who had thought him weak. Because he couldn’t think to care. Could you imagine how he would feel if he could think to care, with all the things he did nowadays?

There was a thought one day. One of the rare days when he got _food_. It wasn’t a hungry thought or an angry thought. It was… sad. With it came a punch of emotion, unlike anything he had felt in so long. _Despair_. It was gone in a flash, lost within the warped being that had become himself, or perhaps pushed away by some sense of self preservation. But that thought seemed like it actually mattered. _I don’t have a family anymore._

It was gone in an instant.

 

* * *

 

“ _Ta-ki-za-_ ”

“ _Hihi, it’s Mado!_ ”

 

* * *

 

It had been a mission. A big mission, with so much _food_! As the thing wore on he killed, ate, and little by little the hunger in his stomach began to wane. Eventually, some time after the main event, when digestion had worked his magic, he felt… full.

(He screamed.)

There was a problem with being full. The haze left. What was he without the haze? Certainly not sane, but it was one step closer, and that wasn’t a good time. Not when it gave him time to think and remember and thoughts to pop up. Including that one thought, the one that first appeared on that rare day and reemerged sometime during the mission.

_I don’t have a family anymore._

Images. There were images where there had only been hunger and anger before. He killed them. Mother, father, he killed them he ate them _heenjoyedit_ \- not just them. Others. People he had worked with, people he had taught. He had _recognized_ them, even taunted them, but he had still killed them, eaten them, enjoyed it.

_Like harvesting fresh pineapples._

Guilt. He had killed them, he had liked it, he wasn’t even sure he _regretted it_ \- wait. This was their fault, in a way. They hadn’t saved him. They hadn’t found a body, they could have figured it out, they could have saved him, but they didn’t. Even Amon hadn’t helped him. They had _abandoned_ him. Guilt turned to spite, because it was just as much _their_ fault that he had been turned into this. They deserved what they got. Everything they saw -

She saw.

The one who was always better than him ( ~~rivalbestfriendhopelesscrush~~ ) had seen exactly what he had become. He had seen him at his worst and lowest, now knew that he was truly _beneath_ her in every way. A murderer. Monster. The exact thing they had joined the CCG to get rid of. Vaguely he remembered that even in his frenzied state he had felt the _shame_ to turn and run.

People often seemed to think that the madness hurt. The truth? Madness was so much better. Because without that haze, the things started to matter, only the things that used to be facts suddenly weren’t.

He wasn’t Takizawa Seidou anymore. He had no family. He _certainly_ wasn’t a member of the CCG.

He wished he was hungry.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this? I like the concept that I used for it, but the writing itself felt very strange and train of thought. Then again, it was supposed to read strangely. I was going for a sort of jagged effect? Anyway, I may write more of this. Like a proper story with actions, dialogue, and a conclusion. We'll see!


End file.
